for the wanderers

it's funny, the people we're drawn to. i don't know how it works or why it works or why feelings are a thing that exist.
why do we enjoy the company of other people.
but somehow it satisfies us to talk for hours about things that don't matter and are never really going to matter. even though it always ends up being the little snippets that matter the most, however cliché this may be. emails and letters and little bits of conversation that you've kept, for years, for no good reason.
they're easier to keep than flawed phrasing and dead ends and exact words.
i don't know why humans work or why they like to hurt each other and love each other at the same time. like why have we lived this long we're monsters.
we're monsters.
our emotions make us monsters and our lack of emotions make us monsters and the fact that we don't know how to deal with ourselves but we think we can deal with other people. 
but i guess we do what we think we can.
even if it's not much. 

recently i've taken to wondering what the hell is going on.
it's not very productive but it does the job.

singing songs

 i used to run around and claim that i could sing a song about literally anything. and i would challenge people- i would point to them and yell and say, "anything." so i would end up singing songs about doorways, trying to make a song about a scarf into something meaningful. but it would really always end up being almost exactly the same song, with a doorway out of place, a scarf maybe. but i thought it was beautiful- i thought my ability to make believe was like way above the conventional bar. i was a pretentious ass of a child, walking around wondering if everyone else thought i was as brilliant as i thought i was.
when we would sing puff the magic dragon in music class, a song so weirdly sad that it was terrifying (it made aidan with the braces cry every time- this is how serious it was), i would sing it in a british accent and pretend that, oh, that was just how i sang.
which of course it wasn't.
i stopped doing, oh, like 90% of the things that i did then a long time ago. i moved on to short stories and novels and one unfortunate fanfiction- i stopped writing songs almost all together. which i think was okay because i couldn't play instruments and i couldn't really sing and i just liked to sit there and force my parents to listen to me whine into my broken kareoke machine microphone.
i kinda always wanted to be a singer, sort of had that little urge at the back of my head to just become musical, but that always ended up badly for me. it still usually ends up badly for me, with the occasional terribly written songs and frog voice.
when i can i like to stick to writing non-musical things that don't make sense, and when i can't even do that i just freak out.
this happens a lot more than i would really even expect.
but i'm working on getting over those terribly handwritten songs that, yes, i still have. i thought they were tear-jerkers, that just because they meant a little bit to me = they meant the whole entire world to someone else. but they never did.
but i challenge you, fair readers. i challenge you to write a song about a scarf and a doorway and maybe some luke skywalker. i challenge you to inadvertently remember things that no one else ever will, and bring them up in conversation and just sit there sadly while the other person doesn't remember a thing. and maybe ten years later you'll realize that you were remembering wrong the whole time.
and, i mean, i challenge you to write a song staged like a theater production and have it turn out sensical.
i challenge you to be me. because it's my turn.

greetings, fair traveler

well, along with being highly lazy and relatively low-functioning, i am apparently also an idiot.
everything. is. gone.
all the things, guys, all the things have been replaced with awkward minus signs and I CAN'T HAVE THAT.
i have basically lost the ability to have a well-formed opinion about politics that i feel comfortable sharing with all y'alls, which makes me a terrible person. but although i still possess these opinions, i've become more focused on my art and my writing and my dragon coloring book. so while i may be back, i will probably not really be giving you the same things.
which okay, will lose me ALL THE FOLLOWERS but hopefully, like, the one person who still looks on here sometimes will stick with me?
yes, i shall be redesigning this blog, which actually gives me great pleasure but is something i don't do very often. and i mean i'm doing it instead of drawing diagrams for science class, so extra added bonus!
huzzah, guys.

well

HAGNW ended a couple days ago.
Wanted to falsely convince you that you had more hissing days.
Hope you hissed. Even a little.
Blog on hiatus. Nobody reads anyway and I don't really have time to write.
Sorry. Maybe will be back at some point. 

a hagnw cop out

SO this HAGNW (which started today btw) I will let you do the hissing.
The majority of it, anyways, as I might be posting a hiss or two over the weekend.
Guys, hiss.
Hiss so damn hard.
I think it's important that you guys let yourself rant as opposed to just listening to me rant, you know? Instead of me just hissing, I think that if you see something hissable, hiss it.
HAGNW 4 lyfe brooooooooos

another update

so remember this?
yes.
so, i feel really guilty, but i am (and have already) put this on a semi-permanant hiatus. because: i started writing it. and then i realized, i am absolutely no good at writing plays. i am not good at dialogue. so i basically went "this is rubbish" and forgot about it. also, obviously, i have been watching too much doctor who.
i am so sorry, and i know that i am like, the worst example ever.
BUT this will be a teaching moment.
if all y'all yous see something that you can do, something in your society or your school or whatever that you can remedy- do it. that's what i was trying to do, fix a pretty heteronormative tradition. i failed, but you guys probably won't because you rock.
write a musical, fellows. it can change things.