Tuesday, April 23, 2013

singing songs

 i used to run around and claim that i could sing a song about literally anything. and i would challenge people- i would point to them and yell and say, "anything." so i would end up singing songs about doorways, trying to make a song about a scarf into something meaningful. but it would really always end up being almost exactly the same song, with a doorway out of place, a scarf maybe. but i thought it was beautiful- i thought my ability to make believe was like way above the conventional bar. i was a pretentious ass of a child, walking around wondering if everyone else thought i was as brilliant as i thought i was.
when we would sing puff the magic dragon in music class, a song so weirdly sad that it was terrifying (it made aidan with the braces cry every time- this is how serious it was), i would sing it in a british accent and pretend that, oh, that was just how i sang.
which of course it wasn't.
i stopped doing, oh, like 90% of the things that i did then a long time ago. i moved on to short stories and novels and one unfortunate fanfiction- i stopped writing songs almost all together. which i think was okay because i couldn't play instruments and i couldn't really sing and i just liked to sit there and force my parents to listen to me whine into my broken kareoke machine microphone.
i kinda always wanted to be a singer, sort of had that little urge at the back of my head to just become musical, but that always ended up badly for me. it still usually ends up badly for me, with the occasional terribly written songs and frog voice.
when i can i like to stick to writing non-musical things that don't make sense, and when i can't even do that i just freak out.
this happens a lot more than i would really even expect.
but i'm working on getting over those terribly handwritten songs that, yes, i still have. i thought they were tear-jerkers, that just because they meant a little bit to me = they meant the whole entire world to someone else. but they never did.
but i challenge you, fair readers. i challenge you to write a song about a scarf and a doorway and maybe some luke skywalker. i challenge you to inadvertently remember things that no one else ever will, and bring them up in conversation and just sit there sadly while the other person doesn't remember a thing. and maybe ten years later you'll realize that you were remembering wrong the whole time.
and, i mean, i challenge you to write a song staged like a theater production and have it turn out sensical.
i challenge you to be me. because it's my turn.

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