Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Little Girl

When the song comes up, I remember. It's not really a song- not all of it. I convinced iTunes that it was, and I put it on my iPod.
When it comes up, I remember. I'm on shuffle... The White Stripes are explaining to me how much Holly and Jack love each other.
Then I see it. And I hear it.
I hear myself, my two-year-old self, sing about lions. I hear myself talk about a family of zoos. I hear myself tell a story about giants eating my dad. I hear my sister tell a story about Amanda (who's actually Little Red Riding Hood). I hear myself talk about Santa: The Little Girl. I hear myself say apples, bananas, peaches over and over again, trying to convince everyone that it is a story.
And I hear ho ho. Over and over, I hear this word, repeated twice at a time. Ho ho, which meant nothing to anyone else, but probably meant something to me. I hear my little-girl voice, saying things to me. Talking to me, even though I don't remember what they mean.
This girl talks so lightly of fear (they were so frightened that they ran away). I wonder why I can't do that now. Not now. Why? What's changed?
But for a few minutes, I'm two again, maybe three. I laugh at all of it. I laugh at the innocence, and I laugh at the memories. I laugh when my sister laughs. I laugh when my father laughs. I laugh when that little girl laughs, whoever she is.
And then it's gone, music replacing it, actual music.
I'm startled that it doesn't play more of my life, more of the memories. I'm startled, when, instead, someone that I'll never meet starts to sing.
I stop laughing.
And I start to forget again.


  1. ....:'( I mourn the loss of young childhood. But, quite honestly, I still believe myself to be a child. No matter what other people say I am, I'm still holding on to the true fact that I am a child.
    Although childhood is an honest factor of my life, I still think that everyone else is a child as well. No matter how old or young you are, you will forever be a child, and you will forever be an adult. No one can change the fact that you are still you, and the idea of being yourself transcends any level of age. You are still have a bit of childhood within you, and you should cherish that. Even though you might feel that every child-like part of you is gone, you still have it, and you are still only a fragment of what you will once be. And that, is what I think is the most beautiful thing about life. We all grow up, but we're truly still children. We always will be.

  2. I just found this blog.
    I read through, like, all of your posts.
    Well okay not ALL of them because my parents are all "Bleh get off the computer" and stuff.
    But I read back until September.
    Anyway, your blog is AWESOME!
    I am so following...

  3. Hey - thanks for the comment. Sorry to hear about the hate! Most of my posts aren't all deep like that... I'm more of a comedy blog. I was just in the mood today.