Wednesday, March 28, 2012

the theory of relativity as applied to cats. on a roadtrip.

The other day, I was in a car. With my mother. You know how this goes- insubstantial small talk about, oh, I don't know, the theory of relativity as applied to cats.
We came up behind this Jesus-laden car, pretty much dripping with extremist Christianity.
I learned an interesting fact that day, looking at the bumper sticker art. If you're pro-choice, you're not a true Christian. You're just, pff, a fake Christian.
Personal opinion time- this is untrue. This is untrue, and I bear no anger towards the religion. Just the person, who found it necessary to go all high-and-mighty on the world.
So caught up was I in the (strangely) red white and blue of the anti-choice bumper sticker, I failed to notice the thing hanging off of the backseat, obviously positioned so the whole world could see it out the back window.
I don't even know what it was. It was quite possibly some sort of quiltish thing, or maybe a towel.
It said No homos need apply. 
So let me get this straight, Sir I Think So Highly Of Myself.
You actually require that someone applies to sit in your backseat? I don't know, but this seems pretty rough on your roadtrip buddies. I doubt you took this idea up with them before instating it, 'cause you don't seem to realize the amount of hate the people harbor towards paperwork.
Or maybe you're just delusional. Maybe you falsely believe that people have this staggering need to sit in your backseat.
I've been in some backseats in my day. Well all have. And you know, I doubt there has ever been one comfortable enough to warrant applications.
I'm sorry. You might take this a little hard, and possibly in the overly-hostile-and-angry direction. But let me assure you- that's not the wrong direction. That's pretty much the direction I'm aiming for. But here goes. No one cares that much about your backseat.
Heck, your roadtrip buddies are gonna take Tim's car next time. They don't need you and your egotistical homophobia.


  1. Hehe. Annoying dude.
    (Or girl. I should be fair to guys: girls can be homophobic extremist Christians too, as much as I would like to deny it.)
    I want to hear how the theory of relativity goes applied to cats. :)

  2. Like a homosexual person would want to hang out anywhere near you or your hateful car... jerk.

  3. Man, I just saw a car similar to that the other day.My sister said we should have deflated their tires. Sadly, we did not.